This essay is about the school lunch. Do the school lunches make you barf in your mouth? Well I know they make me do that. A lot of kids want to fix this problem. I've even seen some kids throw away their whole hot lunch because the are so gross. I mean if so many kids throw their lunches away then why do we have the same cook? If the person who makes our lunches can't cook then give them cooking lessons or get a new cook.
University School gets lunches from France and their lunches are amazing but you can't bring cold lunch though. If USM gets great food from France then why can't we get any better lunches I mean even I can make a decent pizza without it looking and tasting like plastic wrap on cardboard. Some of our grossest lunches are green hotdogs, popcorn crumbs, greasy tacos, and lumpy pizza pasta tofu. The person whos cooks this is basically getting paid to ruin the food.
I am getting sick of the lunches especallly if you forget your lunch at home. Here is a fun fact about the hotdogs- they're green and they bounce.
your essay needs more work and a conclusion. Have you considered how long it would take to get food from France to Mequon? It could get pretty stale in an airplane for eight to ten hours. Do you mean that USM serves French foods, or that their food service is run by a French chef? You need to get some definite facts to support your claims. Use your fun fact as an image to prove the food is a poor quality here.
Ideas 3 You did not clearly state the problem in your essay. Organization 2 Without a clear statement of the problem, the whole structure of the essay is hanging on your descriptions but the reason for them is not given. In addition ,this assignment was a five-paragrah essay, not three. Word Choice 5 Your descriptions of the food are definitely negative. Voice - 5 I enjoyed your figure of speech describing the pizza. Fluency 5 Good variety of sentence lengths and beginnings Conventions 4 Generally good, you are missing commas in many places
"Aaron's Gift" Test
This essay is about the school lunch. Do the school lunches make you barf in your mouth? Well I know they make me do that.
A lot of kids want to fix this problem. I've even seen some kids throw away their whole hot lunch because the are so gross. I mean if so
many kids throw their lunches away then why do we have the same cook? If the person who makes our lunches can't cook then give them cooking lessons or get a new cook.
University School gets lunches from France and their lunches are amazing but you can't bring cold lunch though. If USM gets great food from France then why can't we get any better lunches I mean even I can make a decent pizza without it looking and tasting like plastic wrap on cardboard. Some of our grossest lunches are green hotdogs, popcorn crumbs, greasy tacos, and lumpy pizza pasta tofu. The person whos cooks this is basically getting paid to ruin the food.
I am getting sick of the lunches especallly if you forget your lunch at home. Here is a fun fact about the hotdogs- they're green and they bounce.
your essay needs more work and a conclusion. Have you considered how long it would take to get food from France to Mequon? It could get pretty stale in an airplane for eight to ten hours. Do you mean that USM serves French foods, or that their food service is run by a French chef? You need to get some definite facts to support your claims.
Use your fun fact as an image to prove the food is a poor quality here.
Ideas 3 You did not clearly state the problem in your essay.
Organization 2 Without a clear statement of the problem, the whole structure of the essay is hanging on your descriptions but the reason for them is not given. In addition ,this assignment was a five-paragrah essay, not three.
Word Choice 5 Your descriptions of the food are definitely negative.
Voice - 5 I enjoyed your figure of speech describing the pizza.
Fluency 5 Good variety of sentence lengths and beginnings
Conventions 4 Generally good, you are missing commas in many places
total points = 24 = B